Denial Can be a Disease..."Know your Truth"

Hey everyone, I know that I missed you yesterday. I was having some problems with ISP, so I had to push my post until today. The week has been a long one and it being Sunday today, it's like "Here we go again". A beautiful singer by the name of Laurena once sang, "Over and Over...don't let life just pass you by". That's kinda what it's been feeling like for the last little while. A bit stagnate and demotivationg. I guess everyone goes through it. When your in it, it feels like it's never going to end.

I had the privilege of seeing a post on YouTube by a dude named "Amourpropre" (def'n: Self-love;Self-esteem) titled "Know your Truth". I don't want to spoil it for those of you that want to hear his testimony, but I will say that this: it was sincere and true. He was addressing love in relationships and knowing when love is right - Not being complacent.

I've had many friends be in relationships that were (for better lack of a word) just in the relationship for the "mean-while". You know, until something better comes along; the fear of being alone. The fear that even though you are not feeling this person 100%, this may be the best you'll ever have. In some cases it may be the best you'll ever have and for whatever reason you fail to recognize what is important. On the other hand, there are other cases in which you need to make choices. You may need to seek couple counselling or start anew and invest in you.

The whole concept of starting "anew" scares the hell out of some people. I have to say that everytime a relationship ended with me, I felt like I was being shipped back into the playground. Searching again for that person who was going to be true to me. Sifting through all the backstabber and deceiving individuals to find that best-friend...that lover. I know alot of people would say I'd rather stay in "this" then go over there. Say things such as:

"I don't want to date any more", "I'm getting older", "I hate rejection" and "I've paid my dues to the dating gods".

It's hard, I know... trust me. I think starting over in some cases is the best thing you could do to demonsstrate self-love. I would say that a 6 month hiatus is usually a good amount of time after a LTR, to regain my own schedule and get back into a grove that is of me. If I tried any earlier than that, it would be disasterous! It would be a case of Janet's "Thinking bout my ex..."

I think for me one of the greatest realizations was the fact that nothing is guaranteed to last. As much as my parents would fight and argue, it never occured to me that they would split up. After basically 30 years of marriage they decided to call it quits. As hard as that was to accept, I think I knew all along that it was the right thing for them and us. I think all too often people get married thinking that the construct itself will smooth over any imperfection the person may have. It never works out that way and people make choices that seem easy at the time, like simply staying in an unhealthy situation. Before you even know, children are in the picture and families have been enmeshed. This makes it even harder to break away.

It's not just married people. long-term relationship are very much the same. You don't want to lose friends you've made or have to do some explaining when things don't work out. Some of us can't help but feel guilty. Blaming ourselves for not being able to keep it together. As painful as it may be, life is about learning.

In one segment of the recording (between 5:59 mins. and 6:15 mins.) he talks about having someone who is encouraging, supportive and attentive. He then goes on to ask, "Is this too much to ask?, in which he answers, "Only for the wrong one". I couldn't say that any more brilliant then just that. I could call-out some people that are going through this right now, saying stuff like:

"I wish s/he would support me, with my dreams"
"I wish s/he would comfort me"
"I wish, s/he would just..."

all ending with, "but s/he doesn't".

Sometimes you just have to sit with yourself and say, "Is this relationship right for me (period)", not, "Is this relationship right for me (right now)".

Seasons change, people change -- it's a part of life. The most important thing is being truthful with yourself when these changes occur and not playing them off. Denial can be a disease...Know your truth...

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=amourpropre